Weekly Chuckle...

How true this is... which only adds to my making-phone-calls-anxiety-disorder (a total medical diagnosis. I'm a nurse, remember?). For any sort-of phone call other than my family and closest friends, I end up locking myself in the storage room in the basement... which gets awkward when one of the girls inevitably starts banging on the door screaming for me or crying over something, which distracts me even more than I am naturally (which is significant), which then requires me to frantically run upstairs and do the silent glare/manic hand signals/SHUT YOUR MOUTH routine, which usually is not effective and results in a sobbing child in my arms, which is not conducive to ANY type of phone conversation, stranger or not. It gets awkward when you have to shriek, "YOU MAY NOT GO OUTSIDE NAKED!!!" in the middle of asking how someone's weekend was. 

The comedian Jim Gaffigan nailed it with his talk about the stress of ordering food... You call up, they answer so fast that it doesn't even sound like English, you totally freeze and are like, "Umm. Do you have food there?" The absolute only place I will call to order is the Thai restaurant near our house. I realize that may sound contradictory, but I just have my order down pat so they can't trip me up with all of their trick questions. Online ordering = Amazeballs. Since I have probably convinced most of you that I am a total wackadoodle, I'll sign off now... 

Happy Tuesday!! 


A Case of the Mondays...

The following is a description of this past Monday. It was long. It was rough. It was a doozy. It really started on Sunday evening... we got home from the annual Simmons Family Rose Haven Weekend which will be covered on a later date. I will say that it includes an excessive amount of Orange Crushes, several of which were imbibed on Sunday (did I even use imbibe properly?). So after we got home, I decided to sign Summer up for a Lacrosse camp all week. It is a decision I don't regret, but to say that it added some chaos to the week is an understatement. 

Let me begin.

3:03am- Summer comes bursting in our door just to say, "It's okay, don't worry. It was only Emmie coming in our door." She then promptly shuts the door and goes back to her room. My confusion of the matter only aids in waking me up more. Insomnia is a B. 

4:49am- The last time I remember looking at the clock before I actually fall asleep again. 

5:53am- Wake up again when Summer actually comes in bed (I don't understand, she has been doing fabulous for MONTHS). 

6:47am- Alarm goes off. Press snooze despite the fact that I am already sort-of awake and drift in and out. 

6:58am- Olivia starts yelling for me. "Maaaaaaaa. Moooooooooooom. Moooooooommy!! I neeeeeeeed youuuuuuuuu!!!!!" 

7:23am- Finally get out of bed to respond to Livi. Wake up Summer, go downstairs, chug coffee, throw some frozen waffles in the toaster. Layla shows up. Feed all of them, chug more coffee, eat the last bite of Layla's syrup-soaked waffle, and throw the plates in the sink. Washing them is not even a thought. 

7:41am- Get everyone's sticky hands washed, herd them upstairs to brush their teeth. Try to find some sports-activity-appropriate clothes Summer could wear (a task in itself). 

7:48am- Go into my room, find some not-dirty-ish clothes from my still-packed suitcase. Wash my face and slap on some tinted moisturizer. Have heart palpitations when I don't immediately find my eyelash curler, thinking I left it in Rose Haven. Take deep breaths and calm myself when I find it. Curl my lashes, put on mascara and chapstick (I will never leave the house without these items on). Go downstairs to finish getting the girls ready.  

8:19am- Start shrieking because Summer's tennis shoes are MIA. And NO ONE is getting in the car. Finally find her shoes in the guest room. Get out of the house. 

8:49am- Arrive at the field, suddenly uncertain that it is the right one. Look on my phone and see that it is indeed NOT the right one. Frantically search through my phone for the right field. The girls are asking 12309843 questions until I just scream, "STOP TALKING!!!!" Silence occurs. 

9:03am- Arrive at the RIGHT field (thankfully it was just a mile or two away from where we were). Get the girls out as fast as I can. Apologize to the camp coordinator while wiping the sweat off my brow. Explain that we don't have eye protection yet since I signed her up in the heat of the (Orange Crush) moment the night before. She is very nice and says it is fine. Ramble on to the friend who told me about the camp (and who I called the wrong name for two months... but that is a different story). Gather the younger two back up and in the car. Olivia screams bloody murder. Everyone stares. 

9:17am- Miss a critical turn driving home. Blood pressure rises.

9:31am- Arrive at TJ Maxx to get a present for the birthday party we are attending that morning. Layla and Livi go nuts in the toy section. Livi shrieks, "MINNIE!!! "MINNNNNIEEEEEEE" over and over again.

9:38am- Layla does the potty dance (aka grabs her crotch and flits around). The bathroom in TJ Maxx is in the basement, so we put our merchandise in a location I hope it won't be taken and take the trek down. Shockingly they take amazing turns pressing the elevator button. Olivia decides (because it is the perfect moment) that she wants to go potty. She is denied. 

9:44am- Go back upstairs with more amazing elevator-button-turn-taking and our merchandise is still there. Do a happy dance in my head. Go to checkout and leave without additional incidents. 

9:59am- Arrive home. Leave the girls in the car with a Dora Christmas movie on to run inside and wrap the gift for the party and grab bathing suits, towels, etc for the possible sprinkler action. Leave for the party. 

10:37am- Arrive at the party. Break up a few fights but have a great time chatting with friends and watching the kids run around. 

11:29am- Apologize that I have to leave the party so soon. They offer to keep both kids there while I go pick up Summer. Wisely decide to take Olivia with me. Smell poop, but she claims, "I not done yet!!" Strap her in her carseat because I refuse to pull the trigger too soon and change multiple nastiness. 

11:57am- Arrive to pick up Summer. She lost her pink hair band, but she goes to look for it as I change Olivia's nastiness in the back of the car. Head back to the party. 

12:39pm- Get back to the party. Summer stuffs her face with a hot dog. I steal every pink or red Starburst I see AND have a piece of Bumblebee cake. 

1:01pm- Apologize that I have only been back for 20 minutes and now we need to go again. Corral the girls and get in the car, not realizing the oh-so-precious "Pink Minnie" has been left behind. 

1:19pm- Arrive at home, sprint inside to find swim lesson-appropriate bathing suits, goggles, towels, change everyone, find my checkbook, etc. 

1:40pm- Get back in the car. All the girls agree that our timing was, "Mission Accomplished." Leave for the swim lesson. 

1:56pm- Arrive at the pool, get the girls set, collapse with Olivia at the baby pool. Instigate a fight with Olivia and another little girl because I didn't realize the floating kickboard was the little girl's and not just the property of the pool. Feel incredibly guilty that this little girl is in time out because I told Olivia to go get the freaking kickboard. 

2:33pm- Leave the swim lesson, actually holding Olivia over my shoulder to drag her out of there. 

2:47pm- Get home, put Olivia in bed (not without crisis since "Pink Minnie" is MIA, then start the task of finishing summer reading with Summer. 

What's funny is I don't even really remember what we did for dinner, or what happened the rest of the day... I'm pretty sure Matt came home and took over because I was borderline non-functional. 

The next day, Olivia was reunited with her true love (thankfully my friend found it at the birthday party and dropped her off in our mailbox):

And Matt was able to go buy Summer some lax goggles, that obvi must match her stick: 

In other news, I have discovered a newfound love for jelly-filled munchkins from Dunkin' Donuts. I would also probably be bankrupt and weigh 400lbs if I lived too close to a drive-thru. There is one on the way home from Summer's lacrosse camp, which I may or may not have stopped by every day this week... And purchased a large hazelnut iced latte, as well as an assortment of munchkins. Day 1- an 8 cup. That is child's play. Hah. Day 2- A mixture of 25... which is when I discovered my new love. Growing up I remember eating jelly donuts-- mehh, no big deal. I'm honestly not a major donut person in general. But... on my way home, I stuck my hand in the box and came out with the deliciousness. And then I kept reaching. Feeling for the sugary coating. And eating. We got home and I opened up the box for the girls... "Yum, I want a jelly one." Summer said. Crap. "Moooom, where are the jelly ones?? It is the weirdest thing, there is jelly everywhere but no jelly donuts?!?!?" My response? "Huh, that is so weird. I wonder what happened to them."


Happy Thursday!!! 


Four Minutes of Alone Time...

I feel like I have a trend with my posting. I go from "woohoo, fun, busy times"... To "kumbaya, all is well in the world, my kids are growing up too fast"... To "arrrrrgh I want to hide in a cave." Then back to "woohoo, fun, busy times." Don't expect that to change. It is clearly the cycle of my life. 

So it is officially the last few weeks of summer. And I am officially exhausted. I'll say it... Ready? WHEN DOES SCHOOL START?!?! I AM LOSING MY MIND!!!!!

As I am writing this (on Wednesday afternoon), I am currently hiding in my bedroom with Tardy for the Party on in the background, while trying to block out Olivia's dreadful high pitched screams because she doesn't want to go to sleep for her nap. This is just several minutes past the major crisis of the day (so far)... I won't touch on Tuesday morning when I woke up looking like Quasimodo from an unknown eye situation. 

Let me begin. 

I woke up early for the sole purpose of having some time to myself. Matt had a softball tournament last weekend, so it kind of feels like I haven't had a nanosecond without the girls in WAY too many days in a row. Just 10 minutes after I woke up and went downstairs, after sitting down at the computer with my coffee ready to have a minute, I heard the first one... which means all the rest follow momentarily. With that plan foiled (and already being tired), I set out on the day attempting to have some fun despite the yucky weather. We had failed cupcakes (I didn't fill them up enough to actually create the flowers):

Along with some fun vacuuming in winter pajamas: 

(That's not all we did, but my phone is at its storage capacity, so it has limited my picture taking. I need to sit down and delete the schmillions of pictures of the floor or Emmie that Olivia takes). After lunch, we hadn't had the TV on at all (glorious) so the time was right: All I wanted to do was have a few minutes to myself for a quick shower. I set them up with a tv show... that gives me about 12 minute of uninterruptedness (the show is 24 minutes long, at least one of them only lasts for half). I could handle that... 12 minutes is a solid start to a shower and changing. I hop in, and what felt like seconds later... the doorbell rings. The dog starts freaking out, and I freeze, knowing full well that two out of the three of my children don't have clothes on (There is no in between... it is either winter footie pajamas or nakedness). I frantically scramble out of the shower to at least attempt to stop them from running to the door (there are windows on both sides of the door... SO not helpful when trying to hide the fact that you are home). During warm months there are lots of door-to-door people which I never deal with, but no such luck this time. It is our pest control guy (also a friend of Matt's from softball). I come to a screeching halt upstairs with my towel barely around me-- soaking wet with soap still in my hair-- and whisper loudly for the girls to back away from the door and I will deal with it later. They obey (I am happy and somewhat shocked), but the dog continues to have a conniption while I attempt to at least get the shampoo out of my hair. So long story short, the 12 minutes I was HOPING to have to myself just jumping in the shower was cut short by eight minutes. So basically I got four minutes that included heating up the shower. And stress on top of that from pretending that we weren't here even though he saw at least one of my children, AND Emmie sounding like she wouldl bust through the windows and eat the "predator" outside. 

So if you are shocked and horrified by my school statement above, let me explain. I am up early as it is. I am running around as it is. I am constantly making lunches as it is. What I have mentioned before is that Olivia will be going to school TWO DAYS A WEEK!!! That is two days that I can do something by myself. I repeat, by myself. I mean, go to the grocery store, by myself. Go run errands, by myself. Make any appointment I want without worry because I don't need a sitter and can just go, by myself. 

This summer we have been to the pool, done the sprinkler, been to the library, rode the train/carousel, the park, done nails, made cookies, created fashion shows and makeovers, read books, played games, been to the park, made cupcakes, played with shaving cream, gone on picnics, and so much more... umpteen times. 

I.Am.Tired. I didn't realize these last few weeks of summer were a thing. I am so conflicted because I feel like I want them to have a super fun summer and I didn't accomplish a lot of what I set out to, so I am still at least trying to go strong. Matt was talking to my mother-in-law and he mentioned I was getting a little tired lately and she knew right what it was... These last few weeks. That just made me feel sane. Like okay, I realize I will be regretting this just a few weeks into school-- only I kind of don't think so. Most people don't know how suffocating it feels to not be able to just up and go somewhere anytime. Everything is a production with not one, not two, but three children and their current personalities and mood which can make or break any moment in time. And after almost two months of daily said-production, I repeat. I.Am.Tired. 

So to attempt to make myself slightly feel better, I may or may not have done some online shopping and bought new shoes and a few fall items (Matt if you are reading this-- Love you!! Heehee). Seriously, sometimes that is all a gal needs. Oh and an actual shower. And maybe some prosecco.

Enjoy the following pics from the last week or two: 

Some serious cupcake commitment...

A pathetic excuse of a Minnie Mouse Pizza... 

As previously captioned, "That moment when Layla realizes she doesn't like her ice cream..." 

Mini-Monsters Meet! 

Fun on the train (post-Olivia meltdown)... 
Happy Thursday!!!